I wish I could control my heart beat sometimes. Perhaps then I would be more conspicuous with my emotions. Like when my ex-boyfriend tells me he likes this girl and that she's "making me crazy". I wish my heart would listen when I helled for it to stop pounding, because "I am not in love with him anymore!" And when he appologizes for bringing it up as if it were understood that I would be hurt by it, I feel something awkward rising in my throat. I don't want a "we" but I don't want a "them" either. I want him to always be mine, and me to always be his, but for us to never be eachothers.

August '06